She once said,
"Your eyes, they look troubled.."

A stranger, having her daily brisk walk came up to me,
"You okay there? Smile, the sun is shining brightly for us today."

An old classmate bumped into me the other day, he asked if I was okay.



I don't know anymore. How I think, what I do/did.

I didn't change, at all. The start of 2010 was supposed to be a new beginning.
It wasn't in the end.

I'm really clueless as to what I have to do, what I need to do, why I have to do anything.
I'm not really solving my problems anymore.

I just run away from it. Another year of this? I don't think I'll survive.

Now, let me run from all these one last time. Just once more.
And this one last time, I hope I'll come back better and stronger. Or I'll never want to go back.

I hope.

Sigh..

What have I done?
No.. What have I not do?
How much have I not done?


Everything's getting worse.


I guess.. Yeah. That's it.
No kidding, I'll come back when I'm sane enough.

Farewell, Zatty.

How is it that when I meant to say,
"Please forgive me, my words were stupid, I was acting stupid, I'm sorry. Can you make me feel safe again? How about dinner this weekend, I need to see your face & talk. About you, me, your thoughts and mine"
it comes out so negatively, it didn't sound like an apology, forget begging, hah.


I'm such a sucker.


As if life's not fucked up enough, you just go and screw it up more.

Good job, Zatty.
No wonder God thinks you shall never recover from your flu.

That's.. Idk.
I fucking hate myself.

I think I kinda lost it.

Like look, wth am I doing.
I have no idea myself.

Which means I lost it. Yeah, I sure did.

Now, how do I get it back?
I have no idea too.

That's bad. Very bad.

They say, if you can't help yourself, no one can.
May God bless me, a lot.

SNSD - Chocolate Love ♥

Hey..
Another week, again.



Sigh.


Sometimes, I just can't help it but feel _______.
Like I care but act like I don't, or rly can't be bothered and pretend I am bothered.
What the fuck, Zatty.



I miss you, Zur. ):<

Bye.

Ryuichi Sakamoto - Rain

The intense, as if breathless, beats. The repetition so similar, it's creepy but it calms me. The shrilling imitation, so disturbing, ended in a soft blast before I could cry out in confusion.

I'm lost.

It's making me hurry.
Hurry, think.
Question yourself..

What's causing this unhealthy mind, hopeless?
Why are all these thoughts so gloomy? Why do they drift away before I sigh?

Why do I feel like I'm floating.. Aimlessly.. Below the terrifying grey sky..

These set of perturbation, it infests me.
Seems like it had been haunting me for a while. Seems like it's gonna hang around longer..


Am I wasting it all? What do I do to change it all? How do I do it?
Everything in me, everything around me. It's troubled.
People, papers, chairs, cotton, rain, trees. They're all, down.

Why?
It's just me. Yes, it's just me.

Oh God, help me.
Help me.

I don't stop screwing things up.

I'm not planning to stop.